Citrus honey

by Nicholas Gebbia

 

When my head hit the floor I felt the smoke in my lungs 

collide with the oxygen inside the bathroom walls 

Isolated and still 

The eerie sound of silence 

swallowed the attempt of a scream

 

The sound of my blood 

Metallic and thick 

Dripping on the ground

 

And The sound of a clock 

 

Going 

Tick

 

Tick 

 

Tick

 

15 years I’ve spent trapped in my chrysalis

15 years I’ve built up the courage to pull the trigger 

15 years of the same old song 

 

Going 

Tick 

 

Tick 

 

Tick

 

I wasn’t scared it was purely instinct

I’ve fought my whole life

And I’ll fight till the day I die 

 

I will fight 

 

Until  The clock stops

Until I feel my blood stop 

Until I can let myself  go

 

The ruby colored life flows from my wrists meeting the sky 

It becomes the stars, it’s all I can see 

 

10 years ago I told myself that I would make it, 

I told god he would see me succeed, 

and he would regret not listening to me,

                                      They   all   would 

9 months my mother had to carry me, 

a parasite that’s feeding off her, 

I have done what I could to repay her, 

but she took more 

 

8 times I tried to tell them 

I was 7 

 

6 In the morning going to school, but I was no longer a child 

5 Christmas’ ago I stopped believing in a god 

 

Four punches 

 

I counted to three 

 

And took two steps 

 

I can hear the clock One more time 

 

it goes 

Tick Tick Tick   Tick