“My stars, Eudora, why the heck did you even call me if you planned to stand me up,” Orion said as he trudged through the streets that had turned to rivers. His hands pierced crescent moons into the skin of his arms as he hugged himself and his gaze remained fixed on his soggy converse.
Splashes of water hit the back of his legs as a figure hurried to catch up with him. A cold hand wrapped around his wrist, and he was pulled back to look up at the girl now in front of him. A soft frown was etched onto her features as her make up smeared and her short hair clung to her forehead. The top she wore stuck to her chest and her skirt pooled in a sopping mess just above her knees. To look at her, Orion had to crane his neck up with a glare present. She was shorter than him before she transitioned, but it seems with time she’d kept her promise to one up him.
“In what world would I ah-plan to stand you up,” she paused and let him go to rest her hands on her knees as she panted, “it was an honest slip and I came as soon as I remembered.”
“Yeah, six hours late,” Orion said, “I already promised Eden and Jericho that I’d meet with them.”
“Oreo, c’mon,” she said as she tried to keep up with the boy.
He only kept walking with his hands now balled to fist at his side, “Do not start that with me. You forgot about me. Just say it. You’re always such an inconsiderate jerk.”
“Dude, it was a hang out. I don’t understand why you’re making this such a big deal,” she said as she stood with him at the crosswalk, “you’re makin’ it seem like I…missed a date.” It dawned on her what this felt like. As if she’d promised a partner to go out and stood them up, but that wasn’t the case here. Orion was her best friend. Not only that, even if she wanted this to be a date, he was aromantic, so he doesn’t feel any romantic attraction at all. To even think otherwise would be to cross a boundary.
“Orion, why does it look like you were cryin’…” she asked as she watched him walk away when the light turned green. Even in the heavy downpour Orion was so pale the red under his eyes was clearly visible.
What the actual…
__
Orion laid on his bed with his phone held in his hand. He stared blankly at the black screen. Since they parted ways a week ago, he hadn’t heard anything from Eudora. Eden and Jericho had in fact not agreed to meet the boy. Instead, he spent the rest of the night inside with an old Vivaldi record on and a plush she’d given him months ago hugged to his chest as he sobbed. In reality, he didn’t know why he was so upset. There was really no reason to be. Eudora was just the girl who sat two seats down in World History. She was just another girl curious to know about the work he and his two punk friends did.
She was also the first girl who’d ever managed to make him really laugh in this lifetime. Her hands were the first to trace the markings on his skin without getting smacked away or scolded. Eudora was the girl he didn’t mind sitting for hours with and explaining the afterlife he’d come to know from studies and all the strange things he’d seen.
A heavy sigh left the boy’s lips as he rolled onto his back and covered his eyes with his forearm. All strong emotion had long left his system. The irritation that came with a lack of attention. The hurt that came with being unintentionally abandoned long since faded. A new feeling of resignation settled in his heart. A lack of care for the one he called, Love.
When he put his phone down his hand felt instantly more warm. He flexed the tired muscle, but that only made it ache more. The joint on his thumb locked from clenching onto the lifeless object. An object he’d poured his whole heart into a hundred times before. How could she not see it? Then again, he didn’t really understand his own feelings either.
He was so obviously and helplessly head over heels for this woman. At this point, everyone but her had to know what was going on.
Then a heavy groan left his lips as he remembered the face she made when he got so upset. If she didn’t know before, she surely knew now. That’s probably why she hadn’t called. She didn’t wanna deal with his feelings, or hear whatever confession he’d come up with.
She probably already hated him.
This felt like the moment he should cry. A lot of moments felt like the one he should have been crying. But, he just couldn’t. He’d sung the same song many times over. Done the same dance with faces he couldn’t see anymore.
He just couldn’t this time. He physically cannot stand the tight throat and aching head that follows heartbreak. Instead, he’ll only let the inside break. He’ll surrender the battle he never had a chance of winning.
Maybe that’s dramatic, or maybe he’s being unfair for not communicating but Orion just couldn’t care less. This is all just so difficult and annoying and the boy didn’t know how to navigate these feelings… Tears welled up in his eyes once more and he pulled the blanket up further. Unfortunately, the sound of knocking on the door pulled him from the cocoon of self pity.
–
That night passed by slowly with Orion thinking about everything. His behavior really was unfair, and he knew it. How could she possibly know how he felt when he constantly flaunted the fact he had no heart for romance.
The look on her face stuck like a thorn on his side. She didn’t deserve that. She didn’t deserve his misplaced anger or the hurtful words that left his lip. Eudora wasn’t any kind of inconsiderate, nor ever cruel. That title belonged to only him at this moment.
When the sun rose and made his eyes squint he groaned, “I guess that’s it…”
Orion threw his legs over the side of the bed and stood. He reached for the blue jacket to throw over his black shirt. He pulled up his cargo shorts and laced up his soggy converse, “let’s see if I still have a best friend…”
–
“Three tarot readin’s with two different Gods, pendulum reading, meditative communication with my deities…” she turned to him with a frown. Without her makeup he could see the freckles littered on her face, neck, shoulders, arms. Her hair was held back with a bandana that he’d given her during one of the hotter summer days. “It’s a little irritating that I had to go through that many forms of communications to get some sort of an answer to know what was going on,” she stepped forward to where he stood at the entrance of her room.
“You could have just text me…” he mumbled as he stepped back, but she stood just as close with her arms crossed and her weight leaned on one leg. “In my defense, I never exactly hid it,” he said as he looked up to her. The retort only seemed to make the irritation worse.
“That doesn’t matter!” she shouted as she threw her hands up in the air, “my ego isn’t so big that I think everyones in love with me, and you can’t just snap at me when I don’t read your mind!”
“I thought you’d hate me if I tried to change our relationship when we’re in such a good place,” he pushed back his cuticles and looked at the various crystals on her desk and windchimes on the ceiling instead of her, “or maybe you never liked me in the first place, or that you’d think it’s stupid for me to confess when I rub in literally everyone’s face I don’t have to worry about romantic relationships…or that I’m a ace person trying to date in general.
“Queer as I may be, I don’t know it all,” she said with a flick to his forehead, “when you say ace spectrum I assume you mean no romantic attraction at all. I wouldn’t have dismissed my own feelings if I knew it meant that it was just rare you felt that.”
“That’s an incredibly common and sometimes hurtful misconception as Aro-ace people, fully, can still feel romantic physical and emotional attraction. There can be some confusion, but at some point for lack of a better phrase, when you know, you know…wait repeat?” he stopped mid ramblings and let his hands hang in the air with a talking gesture to look at her.
She leaned down to meet my height with a serious expression, “I like you. I did not confess that sooner because I was under the impression that you being Ace put up a boundary between us from that kind of relationship.”
“…oh,” he said and shrieked back just a little, “my bad?” That only earned him another painful flick on the forehead, “okay okay jeez,” he grumbled as he held her wrist. She only shook it off and tugged him forward to sit by the window.
Once they’d settled, his hand remained in her lap with her tracing over the faded scars on his hands, “so…we’re passed that but, we still have to talk if we’re gonna be anything other than friends.”
Orion’s brows furrowed, to which she brought her hand to brush my glabella to make them stop, “about?”
“You’ve gatta communicate with me, Oreo,” she said as she leaned her head on top of his, “I’m not like you. I need words to know what’s going on in this weird little head of yours.” Her nose brushed against my hair as she rubbed my palm.
“You make that sound so easy…I barely even get how these feelings work,” I muttered into her neck.
A soft chuckle escaped her as she hummed, “you’ll figure it out…maybe a bit of therapy on the side” she mumbled that last bit, and a soft laugh escaped them both.